absence

honestly, i really thought after all this while, things will blow past and everything will go back to normal. or at least how it used to be. i really never thought we would end up like this. i never thought this would happen. i have to admit i really was a horrible person and i am truly apologetic for what i have done. i know it's too late for that and i also know you've forgiven, or at least you say you already have. but i think we both know forgiving is one thing but forgetting is another. forgiving might be easy, but forgetting is never easy. especially when all i have done is to screw things up again and again and again. 

i don't know why but it really is killing me inside. i am such an idiot. they say you never learn to treasure what you have until you lose it. well i hate how the universe decided to bring us together only to have us drift apart and end up like this. i have thoughts, so much thoughts, of what you might be thinking, and how much i want you to be thinking those thoughts. but it kills me to realise those thoughts are the thoughts furthest from your mind. it kills to constantly have the urge to want to ask you if you're doing fine, what's new going on in your life, talk about the old things we used to laugh about like crazy, talk about us. sucks to constantly feel like this when i know obviously this is the last thing on your mind. i must have been an idiot to do what i did that day, and it's really stupid and i'm sorry. but i guess even that's not enough. because nothing will ever be enough after that. 

hate feeling like this. all these is just another pathetic attempt to tell you i miss you. yh, because now i am that kind of person. which i absolutely hate. 

xx

catch

Honestly don't feel like talking about school anymore but I shall just do a littllllleeeee update?

Went to hatched w K last thursday and it was so awesome I cannot even. I loved the salmon eggs ben, cannot remember what that was I think it was called Smoked Royale or something. It was awesomeballs and like I really loved their mash with some like minced mushroom???? I honestly have no idea what mushroom sauce it was, but it was rly rly awesome. K had the smoked salmon w some omelette and toast or something. Didn't really like the rocket salad w balsamic vinegar though. But we had a good time at hatched and we spent hours sitting there, sipping tea and waiting for the rain to stop. Warm beverage + good company + rainy weather was really chill and like awesome to hang out at.

I feel like there is always a constant need to be on the hunt for good food like salmon eggs ben mmmmhmmm. I NEED TO GO HUNT FOR MORE GOOD FOOOOOODDDDDD.

I've been really busy recently and I feel like I need to start catching up with more people. Sorry for not being there recently and it's really very overwhelming but I will really start trying to be more free? 

(ps please tell me to arrange a meet up with you)

ugh i am losing the writing shit.

xx