capsule

(Stopping the hk blog for awhile now, as you might have probably guessed due to the lack of post #2 that was promised awhile back.)

Five years ago, we were told to write things we would want to our friends and/or ourselves (mostly on small rolled up paper) and we placed them in a toy capsule (like those gashapon machines where you put a dollar in and a toy in a capsule comes out?). We were all supposed to place them in this huge cupboard thing in school and return five years later to find out what your friends wrote to you, or basically to see if you have achieved the goals you set for yourself five years ago. I remember clearly that I missed the date that we were given to pass our capsules to the teachers only to have them place it in the huge cupboard displayed outside the school hall. I was busy buying diamonte stickers from Daiso, cutting them into individual squares and sticking them one by one on the transparent part of the capsule. I wasn't done with Project Bling and therefore did not submit my capsule (probably also because I thought I was cool just not to give it up)

Five years went by in the blink of an eye and honestly, I completely forgot about the capsule. Whilst spring cleaning the room that day and a message from the secondary school group chat, I realised it had already been five years and it was time to open that little capsule and read the notes that were left by friends that once meant the world to me and find out if they were still as important to me as they were before. I found notes written to me by my really close friends from the past. Some of them are, thankfully, still in my life and I am forever grateful to them for sticking by me no matter what. A few, drifted apart as we stopped contacting each other. I remember almost every note had sentences like "thank you for being my best friend" or something around those lines. Most had phone numbers or emails for me to reach them now, as I read through the letters.

There were three other rolled up notes that were a little more familiar. I recognised my own handwriting and realised that I wrote these notes. One to myself, and two for the two boys that were once very important in my life. Don't really remember why their notes ended up with me instead of them, and I guessed I probably chickened out and didn't dare to give it to them as the due date drew closer.

I wished I wrote better things to myself in the note that was meant for Future Me. Upon reading it, I realised how pathetic my life was, five years back. Instead of telling myself to start working hard for my future and setting goals that I was sure I would achieve five years later, I wrote a very stupid line to myself. I wanted to remind myself how much I loved (?) this particular guy. I was furious with myself and how caught up I was with things that are not relevant. Firstly, obviously I would remember what happened and who I used to love (?) with all my heart, and I would need no reminder. Second, why did I let myself get so involved and wrapped around nonsense like boys and relationships get to me whilst I was going to take the biggest exam in four years of my secondary school life. (p/s: the (?) after the word love is because I doubt that was how I felt five years ago, it was probably a stupid crush or something)

In the letters I wrote to the two people who I thought meant the most to me, I basically just wished that they had a good life. In one, I apologised for everything that I did and basically just wanted to let that person know how much he meant to me and also other things that I'm not going to reveal here, just because. In the other, just nothing much but bits of memories from the past and good wishes for the future, with or without my presence. (basically nothing much, also don't know why I was so afraid to hand them the letters)

Thinking about my past made me realise what a bad person I was and I look back and regret every single decision I've made, wishing that I had thought things over carefully before making rash decisions that I know I would regret in the future. I was probably ignorant and just wanted to do what my brain told me to instead of looking into my heart for answers that I really wanted. Comparing my life five years ago, and now, nothing much has changed. I'm still that girl who doesn't think before she does anything. Regretting every decision I've made, even currently. Instead of calling it resolutions, because we all know resolutions are made in January and are probably long forgotten by March, I am going to set some goals for myself now.

1. Think more. Use your brain and your heart, don't pick one over the other. Listen to both and make a compromise between the two, something that you know you want, and something that will make you happy.

2. Never let boys rule your heart and brain.

3. Treasure those that have stuck by you throughout these years. People that are still friends with you after knowing you for nine years, people that you know you neglected in the past but still stuck by you and treat you as their best friend. Thank you, and I'm sorry I was such a bad friend, I will be better and treasure you even more.



I'd think I would remember these as points that should be most important to me and points that I should live by. I would really like to thank the people in the ALL chat group, pretty sure you all know who you are, for continuing to keep in contact with everyone. Even though we're all very busy with our lives, what with the guys serving the country and girls studying/working, thank you for all making time out of your busy lives to still plan and turn up for meet ups. These mean a lot to me and I'm sure we'd be friends forever. I will definitely prioritise you guys and plan more meet ups, exercise days, eating days, or just slack days just to catch up. No matter how busy I may be, you guys will be my priority. I'm sure all of you feel the same and I'm really happy we're still so close, if not closer, five years later. XXXXXX