direction-less

it's been a few days since the second semester ended. i don't particularly know how i feel about this because i haven't been doing much at home. have been wanting to bake some macarons since the start of my holidays and i haven't been feeling in the mood to want to bake anything at all.

so my surgery is on monday. and i don't know how to feel about it. the only two feelings that have been surfacing are probably excitement and anxiousness? the nurse has been calling to ask for confirmation about the op and i feel like i'm not up for it anymore but then again, if it makes me look and feel better, why not?

i've been feeling quite meh-ish (i know it's not a proper emotion but i can't express it, i'm sure you get what i mean) for quite some time now and i honestly don't know why? it's not something i can explain or something that can be easily be put into words. it's days like these where all i want to do is to be by myself, at home, or some place quiet without having to interact with people. getting a cup of coffee and some truffle fries in a small cafe in the middle of nowhere without any company. it's not anything, but i just don't feel like i need the company of anyone in particular. being able to have a meal on your own, being able to spend time on your own getting to know what you really want, what your goals are and to learn to love who you are.

i guess everyone is pretty annoyed by how i'm being all "oh i like being alone and so should you" and all that kind of drama, but that's honestly how i am now, i guess, since i don't really feel like there's anything else in particular that i feel. i like being on my own, being independent.