undecided

Things are different. All I know is, no matter what happens, all I ever want is to stay home and do completely nothing. I never meet up with people anymore simply because I feel weird around people. I don't know how to start conversations. I worry if things might get awkward and if there might be nothing to talk about. 

I'm not doing this on purpose, I just suddenly decided that this is who I am now, this is what I want to do. Is it weird how someone who never used to be like that suddenly changed? I didn't notice it all up till now. When I spend days alone at home, not speaking to people, not wanting to go anywhere, not even wanting to wake up. What has happened? Does this happen to everyone? Do people somehow just realise that they want to be a different person? Or is this whole thing just bullshit. 

I know this is who I am now and what I have became. But is this who I want to be? Is this a part of me that I like?

Maybe this is what giving up looks like.