liar

Helllllooooooooo.

Yes, I know I promised I would be back with a post after finals but you can't blame a girl for wanting to have a little fun. I promise with my life that I will blog my trip I will I will I will. And I promise there will be pictures so it's more interesting, I know I'm really boring just because I hate uploading pictures because honestly they are so annoying. Okay, that's just excuse for being lazy.

I have been catching up on friends again because that's just one of the many shows that are good even when you watch it over and over and over and over again. I really do miss wordpress because of the ability to post a private post and I feel like it's something I kinda need to write about how I feel to like release all the emotions I have brewing inside me. Meh.

I've been thinking for the longest time about what I should whip up for Christmas this year. I was thinking about making a chicken breast stuffed with cream cheese and spinach with mashed potatoes and gravy with some salad on the side or something. And for dessert I was thinking of making like a cake in a jar or something. I'd probably just make a roast chicken or something with some sides so everyone can have their favorite parts because not everyone likes the breast (that's what she said). I'd include pictures if I actually do cook dinner okay! I just can't think of a stuffing or anything to make it more Christmas-sy.

My body clock has went back to it's normal - sleep at 7am wake up at 4/5/6 pm.

Btw, went for a shopping trip today and I wasn't even under the sun for a long time, probably not even under the sun for like an hour. Only walked from like taka - cine - h&m - hereen - dhoby ghaut which was not even really long (except for the walk from hereen - dhoby) OK MAIN POINT MAIN POINT - I GOT SUNBURNT. Yeah, like who gets sunburnt from just walking from place to place, and basically short distances. I think it's probably because I barely go out now because I have weird sleeping habits and it's really hard to find anything open in the dead of the night. And also how much I enjoy just lazing around at home in my comfy clothes doing basically nothing.

I really have to get to sleep now because tomorrow's the grandmother's death anniversary, it's already been a year, can you believe it? The year has just flown by so quickly.

5 more days till Christmas!!!
6/7 more days till my tripppppp ;)

xx

countdown

3 more days till end of finals

8 more days till the end of my probation year (no more triangle plate mehehehe but imma keep it on so people give way to me hehe)

16 days till christmas

18 days till hong kong

22 more days till new year's (first time spending the new year in hkkkkkkkkkkk)

xx

finals

Finals are like literally just around the corner. Promise I'll be back after finals to do a post about uni k?


meanwhile, study hard, if you have finals too. if not, play hard, I'll see you after the 12. ;)


xx
j

incompetent

I honestly don't know why but I really think my brain is not wired for studying and remembering things? I can never remember things and no matter how early I start studying for something, I never do well. Sure, I may pass, but it's never what I expected. If I already studied so hard for so long, obviously the information would be in my brain, and I just have to apply it to the questions, right? Why can't I do that?? Even if I come out of the exam hall feeling like I knew how to do majority of the questions and would definitely ace that shit, I never actually ace anything. It seems like no matter how much effort I put in, nothing seems to work. And it kills me to see other people not studying for anything and they do SO much better than me in everything. Honestly, I feel like I have done nothing but try and try and try to do work, to study, but my grades are never pleasing me. I can do really well for a module and can be really happy but when it comes to another module it just kills to see my grades slipping even though I put in more effort then the previous test.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Maybe I'm just that stupid loser who never accomplishes anything. Maybe I was meant to fail. Maybe I'm just that incompetent.

break

So submission week is finally over, and it's really as if my soul has been sucked out from me. I do hope all the late nights are worth it (it's like you know, but you can't be sure enough). Coms finals are in like 4 and 9 days. Yes we have two finals, but they're not exactly finals because it's not finals week yet? And finals week is about 2 weeks from now? Hello to last minute over-cramming and late late late nights.

I have this bad habit. This bad habit that I really cannot control. I think it's in my nature to run away from problems when I feel like they're getting too much for me? This is like therapy - talking about it helps... I hope. Honestly, I cannot understand why I keep running away from problems instead of making it all go away? My own take is that - people say things to hurt me, and I don't like it, because they mean the world to me, and hearing them say those things really seems to be too much for me to handle. It does suck because I do wish those things never happen, that we didn't really drift apart and we're still friends. I guess people do say things that are true, but the truth hurts, and not everyone can take it? I was just in a really dark place and I honestly didn't know what to do. Letting my feelings out by the "confrontation" method definitely wasn't a good choice but we all know all I do is to make mistakes. After hearing the truth - about how you felt etc., I just feel like if I was that much of problem to you then maybe it would be better if we weren't friends. The conversations run free in my head and they seem to replay themselves on nights like these.

Nights where I cross my fingers and wish that it never happened and that I could take them all back. It was about people not putting in effort, about hurt feelings and everything else. Words that were said cannot be taken back, and I don't know if I ever do regret saying what I said. I regret what happened, but the words were subconsciously typed, and subconscious thoughts are really what you feel - genuine. So I know I wasn't making things up, and I guess it was about wrong things happening at the wrong time? Being too preoccupied with too many things make you go crazy, makes you think about things from different perspectives, makes you over-think. Things wouldn't be the same and there is no potion to heal the hurt that was caused.

When I choose to say nothing, and walk away, it's because I feel if I said something, it would definitely make things worse. We all know how I am with the things I say, and I didn't want to say anything I didn't mean. I guess maybe, it was a time for change. Positive or not, it happened and there is no time machine for anything.

Moving on to other things, I feel like I need to write this down because I want to remind myself to stick to my priorities and nothing else. The most important thing in my life now are my studies and I won't involve myself in anything that would distract me from what would essentially be the stepping stone to my future. I've screwed up enough times, and this is where I draw the line. This is where I stop. This is where the journeys end and where I stop to see what I should have been looking at.

superman

never would have thought someone would mean so much to me, never would have thought i would lose someone who meant that much to me, never would have thought you would be that person, never thought of a billion things until you happened. i feel like i have so many things to tell you, but either i don't dare to, or i know you won't listen. a million things are happening to me, all at once, and all i want is to talk to you, tell you how my day went, tell you what's going on in my life. wait for you to tell me what you think, wait for you to tell me jokes to make me happy, wait for you to tell me i really need to study harder, wait for you to tell me i'm where i've always wanted to be and i should be working towards that, not against it. i can wait, but even if i did, you wouldn't be there. but you're all i want, you're all i need, everything to go through this. people take advantage of every single chance/opportunity they have because they don't want to regret anything. i can't be like that because i care too much about what you think. 

i miss you

absence

honestly, i really thought after all this while, things will blow past and everything will go back to normal. or at least how it used to be. i really never thought we would end up like this. i never thought this would happen. i have to admit i really was a horrible person and i am truly apologetic for what i have done. i know it's too late for that and i also know you've forgiven, or at least you say you already have. but i think we both know forgiving is one thing but forgetting is another. forgiving might be easy, but forgetting is never easy. especially when all i have done is to screw things up again and again and again. 

i don't know why but it really is killing me inside. i am such an idiot. they say you never learn to treasure what you have until you lose it. well i hate how the universe decided to bring us together only to have us drift apart and end up like this. i have thoughts, so much thoughts, of what you might be thinking, and how much i want you to be thinking those thoughts. but it kills me to realise those thoughts are the thoughts furthest from your mind. it kills to constantly have the urge to want to ask you if you're doing fine, what's new going on in your life, talk about the old things we used to laugh about like crazy, talk about us. sucks to constantly feel like this when i know obviously this is the last thing on your mind. i must have been an idiot to do what i did that day, and it's really stupid and i'm sorry. but i guess even that's not enough. because nothing will ever be enough after that. 

hate feeling like this. all these is just another pathetic attempt to tell you i miss you. yh, because now i am that kind of person. which i absolutely hate. 

xx

catch

Honestly don't feel like talking about school anymore but I shall just do a littllllleeeee update?

Went to hatched w K last thursday and it was so awesome I cannot even. I loved the salmon eggs ben, cannot remember what that was I think it was called Smoked Royale or something. It was awesomeballs and like I really loved their mash with some like minced mushroom???? I honestly have no idea what mushroom sauce it was, but it was rly rly awesome. K had the smoked salmon w some omelette and toast or something. Didn't really like the rocket salad w balsamic vinegar though. But we had a good time at hatched and we spent hours sitting there, sipping tea and waiting for the rain to stop. Warm beverage + good company + rainy weather was really chill and like awesome to hang out at.

I feel like there is always a constant need to be on the hunt for good food like salmon eggs ben mmmmhmmm. I NEED TO GO HUNT FOR MORE GOOD FOOOOOODDDDDD.

I've been really busy recently and I feel like I need to start catching up with more people. Sorry for not being there recently and it's really very overwhelming but I will really start trying to be more free? 

(ps please tell me to arrange a meet up with you)

ugh i am losing the writing shit.

xx

relief

Hellllooooooooooo. (In the marky butt butt voice ;))

So last week was pretty crazy, had midterms + it was my birthday week (omg thanks you shouldn't have). Okay, I kid. I've never really been that "unlucky" to have had exams on your birthday week (and also on your birthday itself) but I guess there's always a first for everything.

Filming took up a lot of time as well, had to film on the birthday itself but it'll definitely be worth it when the results come out and we would have done a good job. I'm getting quite pissed typing this because I keep getting typos, I don't know why, honestly (and no, it is not because I am hungover from yesterday... or maybe).

Uni has been really quite stressful, for those who ask if it's the same as poly. It is far from similar. I don't really understand why it feels so different, yet so similar? Really thankful to have a group of really awesome friends around me most/all the time.

Last week / the week before was definitely when I was at my lowest? When I felt that everything was falling apart, and I had to cram for midterms. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I don't know how to feel about it because I know there is something I can do to change it, and also I was so stressed out that I don't know how to deal with it? I don't know if it makes sense. Now that I'm less busy and less caught up with things, I feel like I should do something but at the same time, I feel like whatever was done really hurt my feelings a lot and I don't know how to deal with it calmly?

Heard this from someone in the past week - "friends are seasonal, they come and go." As much as I hate to believe this, it is actually true. The person that I thought would stick by me the most didn't, and the one I really thought knew me the most, knew how I would feel the most, turned out the opposite way as well. I was really hurt by the things that were said, and I know what is said cannot be taken back, as much as they want to. I contemplated about going in detail but I will spare you with having to read that.

Thank you to the best friend for the long, heart warming text on my birthday (even though I did make him type a long text) but it is the thought that went through your head while drafting that text is what makes it special. Thank you for always being there for me, even when everything fell apart.

On a completely separate topic.

I'm really sorry for drunk texting/dialling you.

you + tube

so as you can see from the above embedded video, I STARRED IN MY FIRST YOUTUBE VIDEO!!!!!!!

Okay, my "hiiiii" at the start of the video is HIGLY annoying, I am aware, but I didn't know it was this loud...... So this is the new thing we're trying out, "The Ying Yang Show". Hopefully there's more to come?

xx

ps: will be back with an update soonish??? xx

uni

So the first week of uni is already over, and I think I'm considered a uni student now? Not used to the whole waking up at 0530 and getting ready for a 0830 class. To think that I actually thought the end of poly meant the end of classes starting at 0800. School's really quite far for me though, and I really hope I will never oversleep for my classes. (let's see how long this will last)

Before uni started, I was a wreck. Like I thought I was an American living in Singapore because my body clock was THAT screwed up. I would literally sleep when people wake up to go to work and wake up when it's dinner time. Since uni started, I am sleeping at 2100/2200 or even the latest, 0000. I kind of feel like a primary school kid who has a bedtime. But this is necessary because anyone who knows me knows that if I don't get my beauty sleep I will really be no different from a monster the next day. I'm thankful that my friends actually stick by me even when I'm at my worse (I know this sounds a little like an AA meeting, haha).

The friends I've made are really becoming strong pillars in my life, it's too early to say, I know, but I'm thankful that I know regardless of whatever that may lie ahead in our future, I'll always have them to count on. That's definitely something important and essential in any student's life. (So if you're a student and you have no friends, go get some) You know who you guys are xx.

Speaking about friends, I am truly upset and sorry for missing the jalan raya session with the poly girls. I had to catch up and study for exams (BOOOOOO) that will be coming up in a few weeks. I miss them so much because we're all working/schooling (even though I'm the only student lol) and we barely have time to meet up. I miss the "Simpang dinners" and how we would talk about anything and everything under the sun. Yes, we'll definitely meet up soon ;)


So it's about 2146 now and I can barely keep my eyes open. What. A. Loser.

Goodnight xx

time

Hiiiiii guys. I'm posting this via my phone because my wifi can't work and as much as I'd really love to blog, I can't and I'm quite pissed because the wifi thing just doesn't work!!!! And also I'm stuck listening to 987 because it's Friday night and 913 always plays weird genres of music that I don't like. Can't listen to my youtube as well because the stupid phone app can't multitask (let the vid play in the back ground).

Okay so I just came back from camp not that long ago and I remembered how much I didn't want to go because I was afraid I won't make friends and I just didn't want to go. But I'm glad I went and made friends that will be so important to me in the next three years.

So uni officially starts on Monday and I don't know how to feel about that. The pressure is definitely on and there's just so much to be done. That just leaves me so little time to have fun and do the things I love doing. It's always that "back to school" feeling after so long that makes you feel like going back is the worst thing ever. Actually the 5/6 month holiday wasn't that exciting since I was mostly working at that hell hole. But it was still time spent with those people at work. Sigh sometimes I talk so much shit that even I get lost halfway.

Glad that I'm moving on without you because that is definitely the best thing to you. What did I ever do to deserve having someone like you as a part of my life for those few months. Definitely thankful that I grew to be more observant of you and I knew when to withdraw the trust I had for you before everything happened. This also proves again that moms are always right and we should all listen to them. This would definitely be the worst decision I made in my entire life and when I look back, I get so mad because I really want to give myself all the slaps that could have possibly helped to open my eyes to see what a person you really are. Moving on did hurt a little but it was also because I was stupid enough to believe all the rubbish that sprouted from that mouth of yours. The only thing I would change? Is for me to realise this sooner. Nevertheless, I'm still extremely proud of myself for getting rid of a huge jerk like you. You don't deserve to be in my life and you have no right to be.

rant + update

Okay I just kind of want to know, like even fyi or something, like how quickly do you move on after a break up? Does it depend on the sexuality of the person? Like for example, guys move on quicker as compared to girls? Or does it depend on who initiated the break up? 

Well, I always thought it's doesn't make any sense at all when someone (regardless of sexuality), moves on like in one or less than one week. If you were together for like months, and you claimed to have really "loved" that person, how is it that when you guys ended things, you're so ready to find and get into another relationship? I just don't believe in that. It just means that the guy either didn't have any said feelings for you before or that girl's just the rebound girl. Right? 

And how would the other person feel after knowing the other party has moved on? Am I right to say that even if you were the person to initiate the break up and the other party moved on seemingly quick, that you'd feel said party either didn't reciprocate the feelings in the relationship or said party wanted to move on quicker because you weren't worth it and found a rebound. Regardless, won't you feel hurt? Would you be able to wish the person happiness if he/she got over you in one or less than one week, or would you be affected by the situation?

I guess I'm just full of different questions and I just don't understand the point of view from the person who moved on in that short span of time. I understand that there might not be any answers or people to get answers from, which is why I just wanted to put this out and kind of rant a little. 

Just so many questions...

In the other part of my brain that's not busy wondering/thinking about all the content above, is the part so reluctant to head to camp. I really don't know why I'm so hesitant this time, even though I usually liked camps after they're over. I think maybe I just don't want to grow up, and this just feels like it's all happening too quickly. How can I already be in uni? The other reason why I kind of not want to go might be because I really don't think I can make friends. I don't know why I feel that way and I kind of have never felt that way before I go to camps. Maybe it's because I'm at that age where paranoia sets in and I start thinking before doing things, which is another sign that I'm growing up way too quickly. 

I'm just not ready to trade my freedom for a degree. And I might never be...

excuses

I know I have no excuses for not blogging even though I said I would blog more but it's really because I started working again and EVERYDAY is about work work work and work. And on my off days I really want to just rest and do absolute nothing. So graduation is over and I'm glad I'm going back to school. YES I KNOW I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL I CANNOT BELIEVE IT EITHER. Okay I would believe it if I got better grades or like I'm smart and hardworking, which I am absolutely not (okay everyone knows that shut up jo).

Okay moving on again. I think I have something wrong with me... I come home late from work almost everyday and I continue watching MasterChef US (S3, if you were wondering) until even later or, even worse, I GO AND HAVE SUPPER. Okay, if you know where I work at, you only get to eat one meal ONLY IF you are working a full shift (11-12am). Plus, we only get to eat about 5/6 pm? Plus, I sleep late, so I wake up late and I don't get enough time to eat breakfast so technically I don't get anything and just starve till that time. SIGH LIFE SUCKS TOO BAD.

I think I'm really losing it because I really don't even know what to blog about anymore, and I don't even know what I'm talking about most of the time and I feel like I always skid off track - like I talk about a certain thing then I just drift away and talk about something else. So tell me - how am I going to start school like this? How am I going to feel like I can make it through 3 years of this? Somehow I feel like I'm too old to be going back to school or to make friends. That's really retarded and it doesn't make sense but somehow I really dread going to school. I don't feel like I would like it as much as I like Poly (and as a matter of fact I don't even like it that much...). UGH THIS JUST SUCKS.

why are my blogposts always so complain-y and so annoying okay i apologise

btw private post up hehe ;)


xx

pb + j

Saturdays are mostly boring, with us either home or going out, walking around places, eating at restaurants. Because the parents aren't back yet (but they will be, tonight!!!), and also because Mom is craving for her favorite butter cupcakes, which I hate to make. They're so buttery!!!!! And I just don't really like butter. But because she wanted some, I decided to make some. (Made honey cornflakes for the cousin + aunt yesterday, and delivered it to them :D )

peanut butter jelly cupcakes

My cupcakes are butter cupcakes. (It's actually a recipe for pound cake, I just made them into cupcakes instead.) I used a piping tip & bag to pipe some strawberry jam in them, and spread some peanut butter on the top as an icing, and also to cover the holes that the piping tip made. After piping about a dozen of them, I decided to taste them and realised... I didn't place the piping tip deep enough and the jam was only about 2 cm in the cupcakes. -_- That was such a failed attempt. So for those, I decided to place a dollop of jam on the top because the peanut butter taste was too strong and I didn't really like peanut butter, I just thought it would go well with the jelly. 

After like being on blogger for so long I still think wordpress is a little better just because I can private posts without private-ing my whole blog, which is what blogger makes you do if you want to publish private posts. Yeah, true, what's the point of having a blog if all your posts are private posts. I just think it's a good ranting space, like what a friend said, everyone has different ranting platforms. And for me, my ranting platform would have to be my blog, just because I sometimes like to rant in words and what other better way than a blog? Well some things should be better left unsaid. So, to compromise, I have decided to continue posting on my wordpress, but from now on, my wordpress posts will all be private posts, just as a platform for me to rant. If you feel like you want to read my angsty rants and everything, feel free to visit that place regularly. I'm a rather angsty person and I might have more posts there compared to here. No worries, I'll try to balance both and I won't forget to upload this place regularly. Highly doubt people visit this place but just in case, by some miraculous accident, people actually read my posts. :)

I'm not going to link my wordpress link here but if you're close to me you should already know my wordpress link. Posting it here will be redundant for you anyway coz you won't have the passwords to the links......... 

GRADUATION ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!

xx

hectic

Sooooooooooo..

Okay I'm sure you're all sick of the "sorry for the lack of updates" crap because I throw it around too much hehehe. The reason why I've been so busy is because I really am!!!!!!! I've been working almost everyday, and when I'm not I rather hang out with people I love and also focus on getting my license. Yes, even though I already got my license, I'm getting it again, this time, from my dad. He's the toughest coach EVER. But I understand his heart behind all these, and I'm really thankful that he's teaching me and also so super patient with me. If you know my dad, he is the LEAST patient person in the entire world. I AM SERIOUS. 

I had a whole day to myself today and didn't feel like doing anything much, so, I cleaned the house! Because my parents are overseas (I probably shouldn't mention this...) and there's nobody to do the chores, I did them all. I washed and hung the clothes, vacuumed and mopped the entire house and scrubbed the balcony. Okay it doesn't sound like much because it is not much but I rarely do house chores and it is SO tiring. Did a bit of insanity after that and wanted to go for a jog but I realised I needed to rest because I am SO tired and decided to skip it. WHAT A LOSER. My stamina sucks BUT I WILL GO FOR A JOG I WILL I WILL I WILL. LATER LA OKAY. 

So work has been the same, all my baby girls all have jobs now and we rarely get to meet up now. Really miss school days because we get to see each other every single day and do almost everything together. It just feels like we've all really grew up and moved on with our lives. Okay, it's not as bad as I just made it sound but you get the drift. 

Every relationship starts and ends. For it to last, both parties have got to make it work and put in that extra effort for each other. Relationships aren't about changing yourself completely, but it's also about changing yourselves to be better people, not just for each other but for yourselves. There shouldn't be just one party putting in so much effort just to have it all go to waste. We're 20, it's time to move on and not be the kids we were 4/5 years ago. Well I guess even when people change, things change, there'll still be things that remain the same. It's all about moving on.

YES. 

I WILL GO AND JOG NOW.

school

Tomorrow is the first day of school and it feels weird being up at 3 AM and not feeling worried about school or how I'll oversleep on my first day of whatever year I might be in. The thought of not being able to see your friends in school and hang out with them and attend classes 20 minutes late because we can and act like we're the bosses because it's our last year. Well that sure flew by in a blink of an eye. 

Graduating means a whole lot of responsibility, a whole lot of stress, a whole lot of everything else that I'm just not prepared for. Guys have it good, they have NS to attend to so they can take a "gap year" or two and figure out what they really want to do for when they get out. I'm not saying I want to go serve NS but it's good for people who don't know what they want to do. Just like me. Instead of making hasty decisions and end up with something you're stuck with for life, at least you can think it through properly. Why not take a gap year, you say? The parents are afraid their princess will not want to go back to the books, and well, I kind of agree with them as well. 

Life's hard but we all have to deal with it. 

Pleased to say my "first day of school" will be spent meeting with the favorite girls to collect our graduation robes. Well, that has to be interesting.

please

OKAYYYY.
I APOLOGISE.
PLEASE TAKE ME BACK, GUYS.

I know I said I'd blog more, and how I've kind of like vanished off the face of the Earth after my last post... Well, fortunately (or unfortunately,) I haven't. (YAYYYYY!!! no?)

I guess I haven't really addressed it, but I actually got a job... And I also quit my job... All within my "hiatus". I can't even call it a hiatus anymore, it's like a... I don't even know how to describe it..

Okay, I don't really have any good things to say about the job that I got (and quit) so I won't say it, because I've learnt that if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it.


I'm sorry but I guess the reason why I haven't been blogging for so long is because... Well I'd hate to admit it, but I think I have to now. Is that I've kinda lost the touch? Okay, I know it's bull but the words just don't come out anymore and I guess I haven't been letting them in so they'd come out...? Okay now I'm just talking nonsense. I APOLOGISE YET AGAIN.

Well, I guess I just feel like nobody's listening or like nobody's interested. I know typing/blogging has been something I really enjoyed since secondary school (yes I blogged since then but I've deleted and started blogs countless of times) even though I know not many people view the posts but I felt like I was talking to a particular someone, if it makes sense? Recently, I just feel like I've lost the touch probably because I feel the "particular someone" I was writing to in the past just isn't there anymore. I know this doesn't make any sense to you and no, I'm not coming up with some excuse for my absence. But now I just feel a little empty, like the person I've been pouring my heart and soul to has already moved on and I'm still stuck in that pathetic phase, alone.

I realise my posts are getting very emotional, and recently almost all of them are SO SAD AND FULL OF EMOTIONS. I apologise for the millionth time, I know people hate whiny bitches like how I am now, and I PROMISE the next post will not be an emotional one so please just stick with me for a little while longer.

Well, I guess I hate how blogger is not like wordpress (I actually typed instagram, wtf) because I can't block my posts and everything. I have so much to talk about and so much to rant about that I cannot do here. Maybe that's why I don't feel like I have that "particular someone" to talk to. I guess that "particular someone" was nobody. Like I need a place that nobody knows to rant about things and now I feel that people actually read these crap I post up that I can't really rant about everything. No, I don't mean you should stop reading (I don't think anyone would bother reading, if you'd ask me), but well, I guess that's just how I feel.

I'm a very peculiar little fellow, sometimes I just want to rant and make no sense.

I'm sorry.

Again...


(and I also like to end my posts abruptly. ha. ha. ha.)

hiatus + update

Sorry for the long hiatus, took a vacation to HK and I've just been catching up with loved ones recently.


Haven't seen my babies in such a long time, and I am very very thankful that I got to spend my Wednesday with the bbgs. What's a meet up without Simpang food? That was our first stop, with stories and updates of our lives, one by one. Phones stacked up in the corner like how we've always done it, and sitting there with our food, we pour our hearts out to each other. These are meet ups that we each hold so close to our hearts. Days, weeks, months, years from now, we'll always look forward to those days, where we meet up, cast aside all our distractions and just speak freely. Yes, some of us are leaving, some of us are going to get so busy we'll hardly get to meet up, but these are the small things that make the largest difference in our lives and I bet with everything I have that we'll all try to make it work. Because we've gone through so much together, good times, bad times, everything. I'm extremely ecstatic to announce that....

WE ARE ALL GOING TO GRADUATE!!!!!

This is definitely very heartwarming, to me, at least. After 3 years of going through everything that we have gone through, all the rubbish that we've handled and obstacles we overcame, we're finally here. All together. At the finish line. And that's all that matters.

Friends are forever

Moving on to a slightly serious topic. People fall in and out of love so easily. I've seen it happen to so many different people. People I love the most. I don't know why but I'm always surprised/shocked/at a loss for words when I see how fast people change their feelings towards each other. Definitely not going to mention names or any events here to respect their privacy. I guess this just further proves why people build up walls, to protect themselves in case such events actually happens to them. But we all know there's bound to be someone who'll break those walls down and show you that he/she is actually worth of your love, care and concern. And obviously, you let your guard down and slowly let them into your life.

There are two ways to this scenario:
1. A happy ending.
2. A broken heart.

I guess people try things out because they're never sure which will happen. We'll all always get our happy endings in the end, but it's how many heartbreaks, how many walls we'd have to build and tear down before the right one comes along. I guess there's no certainty to what the future will bring, and yes, it'll definitely scare us, but how many will let their guards down, demolish that wall and dare to try again? Yes, heart breaks hurt like a bitch, we all know that. But at some point of time, we'd realise it's okay to move on, it's okay to stop thinking about what used to be, what used to matter.

I hate seeing the people I love being hurt. Especially in events like these because there's never going to be an exact time where the person starts to slowly move on. I feel for them, so much, because I've been in their shoes and I know how much it hurts, I know how much you want to keep everything in and how much you'd wish whatever happened didn't happen. Eventually you'll realise that things happen for a reason and you've got to look past the mistakes and, well, basically, stop thinking. I feel so helpless, like I know what they're feeling but there's no way for me to help. It's a process that they have to go through themselves as individuals. I just.. can't bear to see it happen.

Just know that I'm always here for you, whenever you need to talk, rant, cry, or when you just need a hug.

xx

python

WE WENT TO THE NIGHT SAFARI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the most exciting trip ever. The drive there was really long and tedious, but we reached there safely. We also met with some mess up on Groupon's side while trying to redeem our entrance tickets. To cut the long story short, I doubt any of us will be buying anything from Groupon anymore.

Obligatory shot with the Night Safari sign

Us as elephants! 

(Notice how sab is the only elephant with the trunk the other way)

Aligator/Crocodile 

I screamed at first when N shouted "OH MY GOD" and ran towards the aligator/crocodile. I really thought it was real!!!!!!!!! Hence the face.

"Where shall we head to first?"

My pillars of strength

Oh hello there ;)

Moving on to happier things, we got to see so many creatures!!!!! I was surprised that there were so many nocturnal animals, and I never thought that we could see so many new creatures that I've never seen before. I was quite sad we didn't get to see any tigers but oh welllll. 

there was a python lying beneath the doors under our feet

We caught the "Creatures of the night" show first. As we were one of the first few in, we definitely wanted to get good seats. N wanted to sit at where we sat, and I was very skeptical about the doors that were lying under our feet and also the long rope that was above us. But N brushed them off, saying there was nothing behind those doors. BOY WAS SHE WRONG. Halfway through the show the zookeepers (or night safari keepers?) were looking for a missing animal and told us to check under our seats. Obviously we all freaked out. Then they opened the doors and oh my god, there was a python curled up neatly. All I remember was screams before we finally decided to settle back into our seats, all shaking like leaves (maybe it was just me...) We all had a good laugh after the show and took the tram!!!

sorry for the blur sab, it was our only tram picture 

The tram brought us around the safari (DUH) and we did alight to walk around the trails. We spent a good 3-4 hours there and it was the awesome-st time spent!!!! Even though we had to climb up steep paths, and poor Sab and I had to walk across suspension bridges that we feared, but most importantly, Sab and I had to go through the Bats area!!!!!!!! Where LARGE/HUMONGOUS fruit bats will fly all over the place. We basically ran through that place with me hiding behind N and asking her to hide behind some lady with a pram. 

Before we left, we all took a picture with the owl!!!!! We took a group shot plus individual shots. Except for Sab, she was so freaked out by the owl that she didn't dare to take an individual shot. While we were getting ready to take the group shot, the owl suddenly tried to fly away and it was sooooo scary. But it was a pretty owl and I managed to muster some guts/courage to take an individual shot. 

Me and my Hedwig

And of course, our night will not be completed without supper at Simpang. We had 2 plates of cheese fries (we rewarded ourselves for hiking through the Night Safari), N and I shared a lamb wrap and Syiq and Aisyah had desserts!!! 

Today N, Sab and I went to the Antoinette at Penhas Road for some high tea/dinner/desserts. The place was nicely decorated and seemed very cosy. There wasn't a lot of people there which was definitely a good thing because we got to catch up, rest our souls and spend quality time together. 

Sab had to rush off to meet one of her friend so she didn't order any food. 

Scottish Smoked Salmon with Poached Egg, Pain de Mie toast and house salad

I had the Scottish smoked salmon with poached egg, plus Pain de Mie toast. I loved the taste of the Pain de Mie toast (it actually tastes like normal bread with butter but it tastes really good ok!!!). You know how smoked salmon are usually ultra salty (some of them anyway) but the Scottish one they had here was like MAD AWESOME. So smooth, so silky, and so fresh. I had poached eggs which were done perfectly, I'd wish for a little more flavour on them though, perhaps a little sprinkle of salt or something, but still they were nicely done. It was my first time having poached egg though, and I'm glad I had it here, at Antoinette. You can choose how you'd like your eggs to be done! So it doesn't have to be poached like mine, it could be a sunny side up, scrambled, or maybe even boiled. The salad was a nice, light palate cleanser.

N had a sweet crepe, the Nougatine. It's actually a crepe with Nutella, salty caramel, caramelised filo, nougatine ice cream and vanilla creme chantilly. I forgot to take a picture of it but it was really good (according to her). The ice cream was very nutty and creamy too! 

le menu (trying to be french here)

We both had a pot of tea each, I had the French Apple Tart while N had the The de porcelaine rose. We both liked our tea so much that there was none left. 

N posing with her teacup (you don't say)

We took away some macarons as well. No pictures of that either but I think we got the Antoinette and the Praline. The Antoinette tasted nutty, with a strong nutmeg taste that I didn't really fancy. It also had a raspberry (I think) center which was a little surprising! The Praline is currently residing either in N's car or her stomach and I don't know how it tasted, you'd have to ask her.

Overall, I would say Antoinette is a nice place to dine at, it had nice food, with the best service ever. (There was a really really cute waiter there, hehe) I think it's a place that we'd definitely visit again in the near future. 

xxx

credits to sab for taking the pictures and N for uploading them

kryptonite

So since it's the holidays and school's out, I kind of want to start blogging more. Nothing interesting has been happening in my life recently, like everything's just starting to slow down and enter the "Holiday Phase" as I would call it and it's just basically relaxing, sleeping in, hanging out with friends and that's basically all.

Okay so it's probably too early to start being all emotional and blog about sad posts but this is a topic that has been coming up quite often/recent, and as much as I would love for it to stop, it's kind of expected and well, it's kind of like a conversation starter to some people.

I would say that I'm not a person who can memorise things as well as I would hope, and it kind of has been taking a toll on me recently. I've been realising that I actually have a very short memory and no matter how much I try to memorise my notes or actually try to study them, it's really hard for me and I always know the answers but I can never seem to write it out on paper. Especially for papers that are theory based, pretty much like my nutrition questions, or science questions.

It's actually really depressing and it sucks to have to explain to my mom. Like she would always ask "How did the paper go?" and my answer will always be "I don't know I think I might fail it.". I think it has come to the point where I don't even want to go for an exam. It's not like I don't study, for this paper, I actually studied like a whole week and made notes, tried to memorise it with different methods and all. For once, I actually could remember a good chunk of it and when you ask me about it I could recite how it works and tell you what the thing does. I was rather confident, I'll say about 75% confident that this paper would definitely be the "I'll pass this" type of paper.

But when I attempted the paper, I found that most times, I just stared at the question, knowing that I'm able to answer the question and that I actually know the answers to the questions, but I definitely couldn't write down the proper terms and whatever that was in my mind disappeared before I could get it down on paper. I felt so stressed and it was like I was at a dead end. I didn't know what to do and I tried calming myself down, saying a few prayers here and there, but nothing helped. I sure know that because I left the examination hall feeling "Damn, what happened there." I would say I knew the answers to majority of the questions, but I couldn't write them down. I knew how to do the math part and I knew how to draw the diagrams. But it couldn't come out on paper. I was devastated, disappointed. Alas, there was nothing I could do about it.

I wanted this semester to be the semester that helps to pull up my grade point average. I wanted it to make my mom proud of me, make myself proud of my own work and definitely for it to get me somewhere. Now, I highly doubt those will happen. It's just the kind of time when your friends will definitely try to persuade, encourage you that everything will be okay, but deep down, you know it's not going to be. I mean, it definitely is nice for someone to tell you not to worry and that things will be fine, but then there also is the possibility you might just have screwed things up for yourself once again. I just don't know how to deal with that.

These are definitely not excuses. I don't know how to stress it enough, but it is not an excuse. I know I have studied.

It would be nice if there's a learning disability/disorder I can blame, but well, we all know THAT is an excuse and as much as I would like to blame it on that, I doubt I have a learning disability/disorder. Life just isn't that easy.

I mean, how do you answer the question "Why do you never do well in any of your exams no matter how much you study? It's not enough, you have to start earlier."

It's definitely heartbreaking when your mother asks that, with a worried and disappointed look on her face. It's worse when you don't have a definite answer to that. I wish I could tell you, Mom, I wish I could.

first

Okay so I've moved from blogger to wordpress to blogger to wordpress and now I'm finally back on blogger!!!!!!!!

-cues celebratory dance-
-throws confetti around-

Well, it probably isn't that amazing just yet, considering the new fresh start (if you consider coming back to blogger a FRESH start). So basically, the first post will allow you to know more about me (if you don't already, hello N&A).

25 facts about me
(I would have done 50, but...)

1. I have no sense of embarrassment. People who go out with me often wonder why I am -almost- never embarrassed.

2. I enjoy cooking more than baking because baking requires concise measurements/constant care and well we all know I am the queen of distraction.

3. (as you might have already guessed) I am the Queen Of Distraction. I get distracted at EVERYTHING. (oh look a text message...)

4. I have a very very very very very short and horrible temper.

5. I get annoyed when things don't go my way. (coughsSPOILTcoughs)

6. I am rather good at giving directions (right, N? ;) )

7. This is my favorite number.

8. I have a line going down the middle part of my nose (the piece of flesh between your nostrils) that kind of resembles a cat because my mom got scared by a cat while she was having me.

9. I am slightly OCD-ish. I cannot stand my hands dirty/touching dirty things and/or unclean. Therefore my sanitizer is my best friend.

10. I always paint my nails red/black/navy or any dark colours.

11. I am slightly lactose intolerant. Can't take milk directly but it's okay when I consume yogurt, etc.

12. I dislike chocolate. I eat it but I don't like it.

13. I love carrots. (Hence the blog url)

14. I LOVE TALKING. LOVE. YOU CANNOT GET ME TO SHUT UP. (okay, you can but you have to know what to say/do. only a few people can get me to shut it.)

15. I've always wanted to be an actress. Or an air stewardess. ("But you're too short" - oh shut up.)

16. I happen to be one of those people who can talk to themselves.

17. My memory is the worst. I can never remember anything. Not even what I had for lunch/dinner.

18. When I like a certain food, I almost never change it. For example, the only sub I've had at Subway is the oven roasted chicken breast. Same bread (parmesan oregano), same toppings, lettuce and onions. I'm trying to change my sauces now so it's mayo and ranch :) now I want a sandwich.

19. I punched a fat guy for sitting in my school bus' seat in primary school. (don't mess with me)

20. I am not looking forward to turning this age because I want to be a teenager. FOREVER.

21. Mahjong has been robbing me of all my money (Thank you very much chinese new year)

22. I never really understood why so many girls like Hello Kitty (no offence CALM YOUR TITS). I guess I was never attracted to a cat with no mouth.

23. I like it when people call me Claire. Joey sounds weird. I can't get used to saying it even though I've been doing it for like 18 years. (-1 year because I don't think babies can talk) Claire sounds nice, it seems like a rather pretty name. Therefore I am only signing off with Claire. :)

24. I was going to say something really really interesting but it totally slipped my mind so this is the substitute: I have not been to the Night Safari, but I'll be going in a few days!!!!!!!

25. I want to drive down streets (the ones in America or somewhere else, definitely not here, I'd just go around the whole of Singapore if I did) with someone singing our hearts out to songs, having deep talks and just laughing at any and everything.



So basically that was supposed to help you know a little bit more about me. Oh, and I'm not really the kind of person that adds a shitload of pictures in almost every of their posts, but I will try.


Have an awesome day!

xx